The kids are watching!

A few days back, me and dear had a little disagreement. Shortly after trying to get my point across, I went to take a shower.

This is what Nana gave me once I was out of my room. Haiz... Felt so guilty after that. The kids were watching us all along... Mama's really sorry...

Why others have but I don't?

I grew up in an environment whereby Ayah (which means dad in Malay)  held 2 jobs to raise the 4 of us. Mum has always been a housewife since the day I was born. Financially, our family had to survive on whatever earnings Ayah brought back. No luxury of getting things we wished for. Whatever amount of money that he took home were spent on our daily supplies, items which were deemed necessary. 

I remembered how envious I was when friends had birthday parties, took a plane when they went for their holidays, had new toys, new clothing and every other things that a kid could ask for. Till this very day, I could clearly recall what I said to Ayah when I wanted a new toy. We were waiting for the bus to come, and I had told Ayah about a new toy that my friend has, which I would really love to have too. He looked at me and said that he doesn't have enough to get one for me. Being young and naive, I pointed to the ATM machine across the road and told him to go there. To me, that was a magic machine, because each time Ayah needs cash, all he needs to do was to insert a card, press a few buttons, and VOILA, money pops out! I just couldn't understand when Ayah explains that his card has got no more money. Ehmmm... It just doesn't make sense at all! I was upset and disappointed, and wondered why life is unfair to me... At that instance, I wished time would just pass faster, so that I can start earning my own money.

Years passed, I graduated and got my first job. Receiving my very first paycheck was such an excitement! In my heart, I was saying "Finally, I got the chance to spend!" But the feeling soon faded once I saw pretty stuffs that I like - things which are really nice to have, BUT NOT something which I really needed! I couldn't describe what it was, but I just couldn't bear spending my hard-earned money just like that.

And that's when I realised what my parents had given all this while. They taught me something priceless. It was the value of money. All the sad moments when I compared myself against everyone else has become lessons to me. I learnt to weigh the importance of having the things I wanted against the things which I really needed. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy shopping. I do, in fact, I LOVE retail therapy!!! But I am somehow very cautious about it. Each time I picked something up, I tend to think, once, twice and even thrice before I actually paid for it. I truly appreciate what my parents has inculcated in me, although I must admit that I only realised it when I was 20.

Now, it's my turn to pass it on to my children. Frankly speaking, I am really having a hard time. They are going through exactly what I have experienced. At first, it was just the comparison about who has more cool toys and now, they are beginning to compare what friends can do and they can't, just because I said "No! Cannot!"

Not buying newer toys doesn't mean that they have no toys at all.
Not sending them to enrichment classes doesn't mean that they will not turn out smart.
Not allowing them to have an endless access to outdoor play or electronic games doesn't mean that they don't have any play time at all.
Not giving in to them doesn't mean that we don't listen or care.

We love our kids and of course, we want to give them the best of everything... And the best gift a kid could have is to be equipped with the right values.

N.E.G.A.T.I.V.E

Tensed, nervous, stressed, worried... This is exactly how I feel at the moment...

All the negative energy is getting the best of me now... :(

Why mothers cry?

I came across this article while surfing the net. Reading it gives me a positive feeling about myself being a mum. The article goes like this...

"Why are you crying?" a son asked his mom.

"Because I'm a mother," she told him.

"I don't understand," he said.

His mom just hugged him and said, "You never will!"

Later the little boy asked his father why Mother seemed to cry for no reason."All mothers cry for no reason," was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why mothers cry. So he finally put in a call to God and when God got on the phone the man said, "God, why do mothers cry so easily?"

God said, "You see son, when I made mothers they had to be special.

I made their shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave them an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times come from their children.

I gave them a hardiness that allows them to keep going when everyone else gives up, and to take care of their families through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave them the sensitivity to love their children under all circumstances, even when their child has hurt them very badly. This same sensitivity helps them to make a child's boo-boo feel better and helps them share a teenager's anxieties and fears.

I gave them a tear to shed. It's theirs exclusively to use whenever it's needed. It's their only weakness.

It's a tear for mankind." 

The part about crying is so, so true, at least for me, because I am one mum who tears easily... 

I tear when my kids misunderstood the way I disciplined them as a form of dislike for them.

I tear when they are sick. 

I tear when I see that they are emotionally hurt by friends.

I tear when they are judged and labelled "naughty" when the world doesn't even know them well enough. 

I tear when they tried to comfort and cheer me up on days when I feel down.

I tear when they remembered my advices and things which I have taught.

Basically, I tear over every slightest things, be it a happy occasion or a sad one. 

Because you mean the world to me...

The urge to defend you was there and will always be there. I may appear to be the bad person to you, but I did what I did because…

I care,

Because I love you and

Mainly because I am your mum…

It hurts me bad, but I’d rather do it than let others do it...

Happy Valentine's Day!

My first lonely Valentine's Day!
Time goes by a lot slower when you are not by my side.
Every moment seems endless.
It's as though the clock has stopped ticking. :( 

Please know that although you are physically not here, you are, without fail, in my mind through out the day... 24/7!

I really miss you dear... You owe me a BIG BIG HUG!

In the silent night

When the rest of the world is sleeping, and silence surrounds me, it gets harder for me to pull through. Bedtime, and there I was, tossing and turning, thinking of you... No cuddles, no late night chats, no midnight supper... Times like this make me appreciate all those moments even more... :(

I have to put up a strong front when the kids are up. Smiling and laughing although I have to admit that it is indeed very, very tough... Counting down the hours is currently my favourite activity... 

I happened to come across the quote below, and find it very meaningful... It gives me the strength to carry on with my daily life, and wait for your return... I miss you dear!  

 Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. 

~Author Unknown

The value of time

It's the kids' first day in their new school today. Both my angels will be going to school everyday now. No longer on alternate days! Hooray! Finally there is some private time for me, though only 3 hours each day.

Anyway, I had a great morning with dear...

Early morning rush with the kids = Chaos...

Breakfast with dear after that = Priceless!

I feel so blessed! Thanks dear! I appreciate it! I know that you only had an hour of sleep... :)

My new year resolutions

Happy New Year everyone! Have you thought of your new year resolutions yet? If not, think of it now! Better late than never ya! Hehe. 

Well, frankly speaking, before this, I have never thought of any. Maybe because back in my hometown, I'm running a normal Singaporean life - one who is stressed trying hard to juggle between work, family and finance. There is just no time to spare on other new "activities". But then again, these could be just an excuse or maybe lack of organization?

Thankfully 2010 has been a great year for me! No doubt that the kids were a handful most of the time at home, but at least, that is all that I have to tackle. With no stress from the working world, I am able to focus on the kids.

2011... There'll be more to look forward to. We'll be going home for good! And I'm so looking forward to it, I THINK... Hehe. As much as I love my current lifestyle, I do miss my family back home. But then again, I'll miss the carefree life here. Going back means back to the workforce and lesser family time. Arrrggghh! This is so confusing. Mixed feelings inside of me. And the worse thing about it, is that there's nothing I can do. We have to go back for sure, sooner or later. I mean, how long could we possibly be away?

The best I could do is to enjoy every single moment now. So, here I am, listing my new year resolutions. :)

1. Spend more time with dear and the kids

- I admit that I am with them all the time, but that was just physically. My mental mind is somewhere in the virtual world. I'm guilty of being too caught up with the net, searching for new recipes, hooked on Facebook and blogging. I shall spend lesser time on these activities, and limit it to just a few hours each day. Like what dear always say, "How about sitting on the sofa with us and watch TV together?" I promise to do that more often ok dear! :)

2. Quality is better than quantity
- I need to get this into my big head. Being a kiasu mum, I think most of the time, I focused too much on the amount of revision Zac & Nana do at home. When I'm feeling ambitious, I want them to finish up at least one chapter of the English and Math assessment books per day. What was I thinking? This is totally against what I learnt from my teaching diploma course years ago. Learning is supposed to be fun, not a drill. I am guilty of forcing them to sit on their chair for hours, trying to finish up all the written work. For a change, there will be more educational games and teaching materials for them to play with. Like what my lecturer used to say, a balance between play and studies is always the best!     

3. Improve my driving skills

- I really want to build my confidence for driving. I need to overcome the fear of going on to the road. To tell you the truth, I only dare to drive on familiar routes around the area. Haiz... I guess I need more practice. Like what dear always say "Practice makes perfect!"

4. Drink more water
- I am such a coffee addict. When I worked, all that I need to get my day running is a cup of coffee, and it's just once a day. But now, things have somehow changed.  Each time I feel like getting a drink, my eyes will be glued to the packets of 3-in-1 coffee in the cupboard. And when temptation gets their way, I'll probably be drinking my second or third cup of coffee that day. I seriously need to stop this! I need to drink more water, not coffee, not juice and definitely not rootbeer!!!

A great week for us!

It was a great week! Dear was on leave since Monday, and on Wednesday, we went for a short road trip to San Diego & LA again. The 4 of us loves California, mainly because of the lovely beaches. Somehow, the seaside is always the preferred option each time we plan for a trip. The waves, and the smell of the ocean seems to be the perfect place for us to unwind. And for the kids, they are just contented to play with sand and having a BIG space to run around. Look out for the photos in my gallery yah... Will upload them once I'm done with all the editing...  

Anyway, we got back to boring Arizona last night. Haiz. Back to being the full-time housewife with loads of laundry to wash and the usual household chores that comes with it. :(

Today, we decided to just stay home and rest before dear goes back to work tomorrow. The kids will be having their 2 weeks winter break till New Year. Guess what they did at home today?

Dear and Zac played Wii, and most of the time, they were arguing! Haha.

And dear Nana had the lappy all to herself. She's so relieved that Zac has Wii to keep him occupied and not bugging her for a turn on the computer.

As for me... what else could I possibly do? With my laptop being conquered by my girl, I am left with just 2 options... To either laze around while watching them do their stuff, or get busy with the piling housework... So, of course I chose the first option... LAZE AROUND! Haha... It's a weekend after all! Which means my day OFF!

Being thankful!

My parents have always taught us to be grateful for what we have. Being the sole breadwinner in our family, ayah (which means dad in Malay) struggled to cultivate this good habit in us. As a kid, me and my siblings used to compare ourselves with the rest of our friends, whom we felt, could get everything they asked for.

Ayah knew it was never going to be easy to get this message across to all four of us. Watching news together became a method to inculcate a feeling of thankfulness. He would always highlight how lucky we are compared to the starving and poor kids in the other parts of the world. And I would gladly say that it did work, at least for me.

Emak (mum in Malay) supported him strongly. As a full-time housewife, she attended to all our needs 24-7. I can still remember the way she taught us the importance of not wasting food. Scaring us was her technique. She said that the food will cry and come back to scare us if it was thrown away, because it would feel that its life has been wasted and not appreciated. Being a little kid, I totally believed in that. And even up till today, I would try to finish up every single grain of rice and ensure that my plate is sparkling clean, except for the leftover bones which could never be eaten. Haha.

Now that I'm a mum myself, I try to pass this message down to my children, with the hope that they are thankful for what they already have, and most importantly, they must learn never to waste food. Kids nowadays are so fussy. With so many options given, they tend to eat only their favourite food, which are mostly junk food.

So, the smart me thought of using my mum's method on Zac & Nana. And guess what... Zac said something which I could never have thought of when I was a kid... He asked "Mama, how can the food come and scare us? The rubbish bin is so slippery. How to climb out and find us?" Me and dear broke into laugher. It's amazing how he could come up with that! How come I didn't think of it that way when I was younger? Haha.

Anyway, Nana was still a bit scared. She couldn't finish her lunch and insisted that dear help her finish up. Look at her face!!! She's so scared that the corn, carrots, and fish will come back to bother her at night. ;p

In the mood for Christmas!

I could still remember... Years ago, when I used to teach in the local Singapore preschool, there wasn't really much focus on Christmas. Maybe because over there, the month of December is the children's school holiday, and for those in childcare, it means non-academic programmes for them... more art and craft activities, music and movement, and free-play time. We do put up Christmas decor and expose children to the songs, but it wasn't much elaborated on as compared to Chinese New Year.

Over here in the US, things are similar to those times when I work in the international school. With Christmas being the main festival celebrated, you can imagine how much effort was put in when Christmas was around the corner. Students did craft work, which served as a gift for their parents and there were lots of singing practises before the parents actually came for the mini Christmas concert held in school.

With my two kids attending the local preschool here, I could really feel the Christmas spirit going around. They have been singing jingles, and they get all excited when familiar Christmas songs go on air on 99.9KEZ. Nana has also been dancing to it!

Anyway, they came back from school with these beautiful Christmas crafts... I love the ornaments the best. Nana could even describe how it was done, firstly by dipping her cute little hand on a plate of white paint, and then holding on tight to the ornament so that her hand print will be left on it. I find the quote attached to it very meaningful... It goes like this:

"This is my hand, my hand will do

a 1000 loving things for you.

Years will go by, but don't be sad

Know in my heart I love you mom & dad."

Thanksgiving 2010

I almost went crazy during Thanksgiving. Everything was sooooo freaking cheap. The urge to just grab everything off the shelves was there. My hand felt super itchy. Hehe. Luckily, at that point of time, mentally, I was able to stay on track and kept reminding myself to distinguish between a "WANT" and a "NEED". Although at certain points, it just got harder. It's as though the sales were calling me... "Yana, come... come... grab... grab..." Haha.

Anyway, we did buy quite a number of things, and most of it are household items like cutlery set, dinnerware, bedsheets, photo frames and the best grab was the recliner on the right. It's so comfy that even I, the "seldom-take-a-nap" kind of person kept dozing off each time I sit on it. It must be the rocking motion, and the cooling weather made it just perfect for a short nap. Other than that, we also managed to get a few bags for me (Thank you dear for keeping an eye on both kids while I got distracted by the bags!) and clothings for the kids. With the crazy crowd, it was almost impossible to choose, as we had to each hold on to 1 child, in case they walk off, especially Zac, who has the tendency to do that.   

As for now, I'm pleased with what I have... Wouldn't want to give my dear hubby a hard time clearing his credit card debts... So dear, with the bonus coming up, please bring us for another road trip to reward us for being good! :)

Weekends oh weekends!

Why is it that weekends past by so quickly compared to the rest of the days? Just when I'm beginning to wind down and relax, it's Monday all over again. Haiz. As a housewife, I truly look forward to the arrival of weekends. Not that I'm not enjoying the rest of my days. Hehe. I know some may envy a SAHM like me, not having to go through stress at work, stress of squeezing into a public transport just so that one can reach their workplace on time. And I know there are many, many more stresses that you people out there are experiencing right now. And yes, I understand how it's like to be in a work force. So, although I do complain about it, I am, no doubt, glad and blessed to be a housewife or what some may assume us to be - A Tai-tai! (believe me, it's NOT!!!) 

My current life is like a routine, doing almost the same thing at the same time every single day... I do get stressed, but over a slightly different issue - my kids. School starts at 8.30am everyday, and 1.5 hours is never enough to get my 2 rascals ready. Up at 7 and the first thing they did was to take a shower. A quarter after 7 and they are seated at their dining area, having their breakfast. An hour later, they are STILL seated there, struggling to finish up their tiny bowl of cereal, or a slice of Nutella bread, or even a small packet of Rice Krispies. Due to this, we usually only manage to reach class just when every other parents are leaving. And that's definitely not the end of it. If I were to list down all that I had to do on a daily basis, this entry will be an extra long one!

So, if you were to ask me, I would say every job has its ups and downs, whether you're a career woman or a housewife! That is why weekends are really sought after by every living soul. :)

The monster in me...

GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get out of my life! I don't need you to come bothering me every month, giving me a hard time!

Why oh why does this always happen to me? Everytime it's THAT time of the month, I'll just feel terrible, horrible, awful... It's like as if a monster just took over me unknowingly.

I hate it when the mood swings hit me... Everything becomes intolerable. The children's squabblings, the silly noises they make, the lame jokes my hubby shares... arrggghhh! Practically everything is wrong to me! All I want to do is hide at a corner and cry my heart out for no particular reason. The breakdown can be as short as a few minutes to as long as a day. I have tried to overcome the emotions by keeping myself busy. But it's just so tough. Tears flow out when I do the dishes, when I cook, when I surf the net, when I do anything. I choose to bottle up my feelings.

And when it finally get out of control, I explode! My hubby and 2 kids become my victim... Why must I do this? They were just being nice, trying their very best to brighten up my day. It's just me! Me and my irritating emotions.

To my dear hubby and beloved children, I'm truly sorry for what I did. I have never wanted this to happen. I didn't mean to raise my voice at you guys. Please bear with me for that 1 week of the month. I am really trying hard to change. I love you all so much and hurting you was never my intention. :'(

Blessed to have 2!

So happy that I got the chance to take care of sweet baby Alyssa this afternoon... Her mum, Selina wasn't feeling well. Falling sick when one is pregnant is a terrible feeling! No medicines to eat! I've been through that before, so I definitely understand how she feels. I'm glad I could help by taking care of her little girl!

Anyway, today, I had Alyssa all to myself, besides my 2 children of course! Usually, when Alyssa is here, Selina, Echo or Ivy would be around. I have taken care of her alone a few times before, but never as long as today...

I could see how happy all 3 kids were! Alyssa just wouldn't nap. She kept smiling and laughing when she looked at Zac & Nana. They too, were excited to have her around in the house. Nana was busy entertaining Alyssa, singing and dancing away! As for Zac, I could see how responsible he was. Everytime I walked away, Zac would come and sit behind her. I think he was trying to protect her from falling backwards. He would also pick up her water bottle and feed her. All this done of his own accord!

My 2 kids have really grown so much! A child Alyssa's age is the best! This is the fun age! And I really miss those times! I wish I could turn back time... On my crazy days, I'll think about the fun that we'll have if a 3rd one come along! Haha.

Though possible, I don't think both me and dear would really want a new addition in our family. Everything is so expensive, and I'm actually stressed about my kids right now. Me and my what ifs yet again! What if they can't cope with their studies, what if they mix with the wrong friends, what if something goes wrong in the future... And many more what ifs...

So, when crazy "3rd child" thoughts come to mind, I'll come up with more "what ifs" to make me feel better! At the present moment, having 2 is already a handful... :)

Winter is coming!

The usually hot Arizona has been cold since yesterday. Well, at least I know Goodyear is! The sky was dark and it rained when I sent Zac to school yesterday morning. And according to dear, it rained again last night. No wonder I felt so lazy to do anything... just wanted to snuggle up in bed. Hehe.

According to the calendars, autumn / fall began on 23rd September... (The date actually coincides with Zac's birthdate!) But the summer heat can still be felt the last few weeks. Temperature only started to get cooler after yesterday.

Coming from a tropical country where it's hot and humid the entire year, I am always excited each time the season changes. 31st October marks my first year overseas. I was born and raised in Singapore. Therefore, I've never experienced any other climate. And since I've been here, I have only seen 3 season changes... from winter to spring, spring to summer and summer to autumn. So, can you imagine how excited I am to be able to witness the season changing to winter soon?

During summer, the days are longer than nights... 5 plus in the morning here feels like it's 7 a.m in Singapore and it only gets dark at around 8 plus at night. And when I say summer, I mean hot! Really hot! Too hot that no one wants to leave their home! It seems like every other Singaporeans here were hibernating, except for the husbands, as they needed to work. Even the children don't go to school. My goodness! A 3 months break for them! My children almost rotted at home, and I almost went insane!

Now that it's autumn, the sun is rising later, at around 6 plus in the morning and setting earlier everyday, at around 5 plus in the evening.

By the way, I have officially stopped turning on our home aircon! Time to enjoy the cooling autumn and winter air... :)

My very 1st entry...

I have always enjoyed reading blogs... Not that I am KPO! Haha. It's just that when I read what the bloggers have entered, especially topics related to their kids, I will recall pleasant memories when my own children were going through those phase. Oh, I truly miss those days! Their innocent smile, their babblings, the way they toddled... Practically everything from infancy till the time they turned into the terrible twos... Now that they are older (my boy has just turned 5 and my girl will be turning 4 next January), I am always busy scolding them when they quarrel or when they take a long time to finish their meal. Haiz...

Well, back to the blog topic, I have never thought that I will, one day, have my own blog. The very main reason was because I am not a linguistic person. I don't enjoy writing or in fact, reading. I don't read newspapers or books but I do read magazines! And when it comes to cooking books, I will not even browse through if there are no photos in it. I need photos to visualise! Haha.

The other reason was the fear of not knowing what to write... What if i run out of topics? What if readers find my entry boring? And lots more of what ifs... Hehe.

One night, while I was chatting with Dawn, I was telling her how cheeky her son's smile was. She suggested that I read her blog entry for that day. And so I did. It was hilarious! Her son, Sam, an 18 month old kid escaped from his playzone while his parents were busy cleaning up in the kitchen. The place was enclosed but he still managed to get out, not by lifting or opening up the panels... But, by squeezing himself in between the panel and the wall. Haha. After reading it, I had flashback of my kids doing something similar...

She then asked if I blog. Well, I told her the truth, about me not knowing what to write. Dawn, being a sweet friend, said "Just write about what happened that day. Write about your children. Write about what you did." And after that, she forward me the link to set up a blog... How can I not create an account if she has already provided me with some guidance???

So, here I am, keying in my very 1st entry... All thanks to Dawn!